Holding Hands with Time

29 Mar

I was diagnosed with lymphoid cell cancer this week and I’ve had a very personal Intensive here in my single occupancy room at the hospital over the last seven days. I’d like to share this image from my meditation a couple of nights ago. The image of Lord Shiva as Kala – as Time himself – is remarkable here, as ‘Time heals all wounds’ and ‘Time is the best medicine’.

I put on Meditation Instructions II and at some point was so deep in I didn’t even know this world existed. In that meditation I found myself in the swank laboratory of a dark, handsome ‘scientist’ who clearly loved me very much and who cared a great deal about the state of my health. The laboratory was high atop a snowy mountain peak, far removed from the world. The lab was expertly constructed with large arching windows and dark wood. It was an ethereal and yet earthy place where I felt warm and very much at home. When I first entered the ‘scene,’ the scientist was at his workbench crafting two rings, each one shaped like an eye. I knew that these rings were his and mine, and that we were to be wed – ‘united in marriage.’ He was my ‘intended.’

He rose from his workbench and asked me to join him near a wall of bookshelves, each shelf full of ancient tomes. Standing there facing each other, he rolled his right sleeve back from his wrist up to his inner elbow.

With a burst of enthusiasm he said to me: “Look now!”

I looked down at the exposed skin of his forearm and saw a golden light emanating from within himself. It was a circular patch of light illuminating a sundial on his arm. Roman numerals marked the hours around the inner circumference of the sundial, each numeral glowing, projected on his forearm by the light coming from within him! I was spellbound by its sheer beauty.

He instructed me to continue watching as the warm light from within himself displayed the changing time on the surface of his skin. I noticed with wonder how the sundial on his forearm was situated in the same place where my intravenous feed was placed in my own forearm! I watched as light and shadows rolled by in successive seasonal cycles across the sundial – at once seconds, minutes, days, months, years, decades, all layered one upon the other, and each one a nuanced microcosm or macrocosm of the others; cycles upon cycles of time turning round right there on his forearm.

Now he looked me in the eyes and directed me to take his hand in mine. Following his instructions I took hold of his hand. But on holding his hand I was perplexed by what I now saw: while I was holding one of his ‘two’ hands, he now had two other arms and hands, making four altogether. Not only that, he was immense, golden skinned, bare armed and shirtless, towering above me so high that I could barely see his benevolent eyes as they gazed down at me from the open sky.

The loving ‘scientist’ I was to wed was Shiva Nataraj!

“Hold on to me,” he said. “Hold on to me always. Never let me go!”

I came out of meditation and felt heavily enveloped, sheathed by the dense weight of this material world. That realm was more real than real. This world, and this illness, is the dream. I was trembling with shakti.

Hello world!

28 Aug

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